The world that is travelled together
is a new world.
A new world for the new explorer.
Before you
I was fearless.
I used to teach my friends how to drive
because I could sit next to them
and quietly suggest attending to the brake
when the breaking distance was no longer certain.
They appreciated that.
I used to go up to high places
and dangle my feet over the abyss,
enjoying the view.
No more.
I have to survive to protect you.
I have to be careful.
I cannot take stupid risks.
I never had nightmares before –
at least not the ones I could remember.
I have nightmares now.
I dream that something happened to you,
that the absurd indifference of the world
that destroys so many
caught up with you.
I wake up with a start,
drenched in sweat,
my heart racing.
I can no longer afford the freedom born of indifference.
The freedom to tell the world to fuck off and leave its emptiness behind.
It is no longer empty because you are in it.
You fill it to the brim
with fear of death and injury
and courage to face the possibility of these
because I have to take you places.
With anger and tenderness,
sadness and happiness,
love and regret.
With all those feelings that push and pull me
and limit my choices.
I can no longer be that person
who was light and free and empty
because you fill me to the brim.
Good riddance.
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